Hobo uses homeless support to vie for Assembly seat
SACRAMENTO — In a primary election cycle where voter discontent over the economy and politics-as-usual is surging at a fever pitch, James ‘Trainyard Bob’ Rogers stands as an unlikely candidate to battle Supervisor Roger Dickinson in AD 9, riding a wave of populist support among Sacramento’s homeless voters.
“I think I can make a difference,” said Rogers, scratching himself mightily on the right thigh from his campaign headquarters behind what used to be that office supply store on 8th and S.
Through a grassroots effort that sometimes literally used sticks and reeds in order to create campaign materials, Rogers got his message of complimentary chicken dinners and more conveniently-located recycling centers to those not possessed of homes, a population that has surged during times of economic hardship and social services cuts.
At a recent campaign rally on the bricks outside CARES on 21st street, boisterous supporters of Rogers held up hand-made campaign posters written on the backs of signs that previously said ‘Veteran — anything helps.’
“We believe in his message” said a supporter, known only as ‘Midtown Charlie.’ “He connects to the issues we care about as an underrepresented minority, and he’s bringing us together.”
“Hey also can I get a cigarette?” he added.
Front-running challenger Roger Dickinson had no comment, even after Rogers accused him of being “out of touch” with the average street person.
“He’s got a house - maybe more than one,” said Rogers. “Who does he think he is? ‘We the people’ know you can get by on a cart, a bag, and a shoe.”
“The revolution is coming, and the establishment better watch out - we’re working our way from under the freeways and from behind the dumpsters to come out in force,” he said in fiery oration under the shelter of the 12th street Light Rail waiting bench.
Time will tell if the extensive campaign, with spending totals nearing 11 U.S. dollars, will pay off.
“Polling places are hard to pinpoint when your address is ‘behind’ or ‘in the parking lot of’ something, but we’ll make do,” said Rogers. “My campaign team of Larry and Toothless Dave over there have started pounding the ground with some voter outreach, including shopping cart signs.”
“I’m in this to advance,” Rogers said firmly. “I’ll throw in two, maybe four more half-full bottles of Evan Williams if I have to — anything to get the word out.”
“Everywhere you look in this town; history!” says Thompkins, standing in front of his platen wall overlooking Craftsman-style homes and ornate masonry storefronts. “When people don’t notice, they don’t care, and we lose these fabulous structures that are as much a part of our shared history as our familial lineage. I want to help change that attitude and get people to pay attention.”
After some browsing on the site, Wilcox will start by innocently flirting with Darby Trumaine, a 34-year-old web manager from Corona, CA, who will have never stopped recording their interaction. Wilcox will write over recorded chatlogs phrases like “UR cute.” and “Do U want to C more? ;)” In a moment of tipsiness from a mixture of loneliness and chardonnay, Wilcox will briefly expose her left breast on camera, much to the delight of Trumaine, who works for the 10-site conglomerate known in total as ‘realsluts.com,’ where she will in 2 weeks be ‘stupid hooker of the week.’
What: Bring the whole family and marvel at the Clown Parade! Come see Sacramento’s homeless and SSI recipients take their wacky constitutional from Loaves and Fishes on North B St. back to their hollowed out earthen shelters on the American River. Come later to see what happens when it begins to rain!
What: Your ‘pal’ James McIntyre invites all of you guys to come check out some really good music and some cool discussions about some pretty rad stuff. He really wants you to come, and promises he is ‘with it.’
“When I saw that chain-link fence go up around that vacant lot, I said to myself, Jeez, Frank, what do you think they’re gonna build there? Just like that” recalls Frank Stanley, longtime midtown resident and self-described ‘man about town.’ “I mean, these days it’s just so easy to dream. It could be a skyscraper, or a sports arena, or a palatial home for a transplanted celebrity. I just can’t wait!”
“I don’t know what went down, brah,” said 6th-year Sac State geography student James Geckert, while tending to a large rip in his cargo-short pocket. “It was like, just a nice ride, y’know, and then all of a sudden I hear some dude say ‘DOLLAR BEERS YO’ and all of a sudden shit’s fucked, dudes are all colliding and I’m on the ground and my bike is, like, trashed,” he said, gesturing to a pile of bent springer forks and mangled balloon-tire fenders. “I just wanted to get my BL on, y’know what I mean, maybe talk to some babes. Hey, do you know those girls over there?” 
